April 18th, 2008
1. Squeeze a tongue-dampened pinky into the quarter inch space between the serrated teeth and the over-large roll — attempt to rotate it until the corner of the end tissue comes free.
2. Insert a soda straw into the dispenser and suck until the corner of the tissue can be grasped.
3. Have small intelligent child with tiny fingers accompany you during bowel movements.
4. Call Georgia-Pacific paper company (designer of this particular double-roll toilet paper dispenser) on your cell phone — ask them to rush a service representative to your bathroom.
5. Using a claw hammer, bust loose and/or pry the attractive plastic and sheet-metal dispenser from its moorings, then kick TP rolls off the facing wall, so one or the other bounces within reach.
6. Wipe your butt with your hospital gown and continue to do so each day until the institution agrees to install simple wooden-dowel TP holders.