The girls of El Dorado.

April 18th, 2008

That hairstyle worn by the ladies of the Fundamentalist Latter Day Saints — the pompadour, tacked down in back by double braids on either side — I’ve seen it before. On the horses of Pakistani tribesmen on festival days. (Note to haristylists: if it catches on, call it “The Show Horse.”)

Probably the ladies have their own name for their super-big hair. Nobody in the media has even asked them about it. Maybe if Larry King had an extra half hour with them, he would have gotten to the FLDS grooming commandments.

And would it be indelicate to suggest to these women that since they exist entirely for the delectation of older men, they might wear stockings, garter belts, llipstick, eye shadow, push-up bras, and the like? Could they at least cinch their waists?

Ever since Chloe Sevigny appeared as the pouty wife #2 in the polygamy soap opera, Big Love, it’s been impossiible not to undress her with my eyes. Particularly having seen her in the role of the fellatrix in the otherwise depressing Vincent Gallo movie, The Brown Bunny. Not so the women of the Texas compound. There’s a difference between seductive pout and bitter pout.

But the sins of bad hair and uninspiring frocks pale in comparison to the child abuse which has been taking place at the hands of the men and is tolerated by the women. None of them, mothers all — on any of the interviews I’ve seen — had a believable answer when asked how old they or their daughters were when they were, so to speak, married.

Nor would they speak to the Lost Boys — the adolescent FLDS males who were used as slave labor for the ruling bosses, but were forced out of their living quarters because the old studs didn’t want competition for the fillies.

It would be swell if we could put the blame for all of this on the Mormons, or the FLDS, or cell phone radiation, but it would be wrong. Men, unfettered by civil law, will do what they want. Women and children, under duress, willingly subject themselves to appalling treatment. Most see it as their lot and will defend it to the death. Hit me! Hit my child! Whisper angry threats in my ear!

Is that an outrageous claim? Read the Bible. Or reflect on the lives of women in the middle east. In America, domestic abuse centers are filled with women, not men. Duh, men are stronger. That’s true. But they pull the trigger more often, too. Hardly a test of strength.

Recognizing these horrid facts is no solution. Sweep them aside. Because, as usual, a divided America is the problem.

Once we were a nation of voters and non-voters. Two constitutional amendments solved that. Once we were a nation strictly of white and black. It took the Civil Rights movement to chip away at that. We are beginning to face that we are a nation of gay and straight people. Only gay rights will solve that.

We are also a nation of monogamy and polygamy. It’s time to change that. Polygamy itself causes no problems, but driving it into remote, fortified compounds does.

After all, most of us don’t have to commit polygamy to get a little extra action. Adultery does us just fine.

5 Responses to “The girls of El Dorado.”

  1. Elizabeth C. Says:

    As I understand it, many women were born into this cult, which is a perversion of legit LDS doctrine. In the cult, the man has total control, and the women’s hair is long so they can use it to wash their husbands’ feet. Aaargh!

  2. Fred Wickham Says:

    The hair/foot-wash. Wow. The ultimate power trip.

  3. Batshir Torchio Says:

    Shalom, Fred –

    I was going to comment on polygamy and adultery as it relates to the religion I live and observe (Jew-day-ism), but, wait… No mention of our super-hero son’s recent 19th birthday?! The notable Maxman Torchio Wickham hit earth some 2 months earlier than expected (always in a hurry) immediately following the private in-utero goodbye to his twin who couldn’t complete the journey. (Collective pause and wonder. Okay, move on.)

    Birthday celebration last Thursday the 17th of April at chez Torchio MacDonald Wickham included a flour based chocolate cake (Max’s birthday missed Peasch this year); hoots and hollars over Billy Brag concert tickets; hysterics over Dean’s birthday card, and challenging Fred to foot races from the table to the bathroom.

    When sharing memories of Max last Thursday evening, Fred recalled his relief about Max’s early arrival: “I prayed, son, that you and Adolf Hitler would not share the same date of birth.”

    I gave thanks for narcotics and family — not in that order.

    Max, you are a blessing. We love you, Little Man.

  4. David Says:

    Fred, is it a coincidence that your blog layout is the same width as a roll of toilet paper or is it by design? (oooh, that sounded a lot worse than how I meant it.)

  5. fred wickham Says:

    That’s true, David. Unfortunately wordpress software doesn’t make perforations available.

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