Necessary adjustments.

May 3rd, 2014

On the wall over my lunchroom seat is a carefully framed picture of praying hands with the plea “Father in heaven hear my prayer.” Grandchildren of both workers and inmates race in and out and under dining tables making a great deal of noise. Hearing any prayer is unlikely until dinner is over. Then the TVs up and down the long hallway click on. Talk shows and sports — lots of sports.

This is St Francis Assisted Living. At 72 I may need an assist every so often, but to live in a place like this requires a radical adjustment of my sense of self. First off, I am the youngest of 22 presently in the care of St Francis. I was counting my marbles this morning and after nearly an hour of tallying I came up with 32. What kind of nonsense is this? I can’t possibly explain the rules I made up, but I simply knew I had to have a way to check my wits. Is this any nuttier than a ten point questionnaire that supposedly determines my fitness to own and raise a bull mastiff? Okay, I scored 32 on a scale I made up on the fly in a hot room at ten o’clock in the morning. This is a week dedicated to stupidity. Nothing is supposed to make sense.

In the bathroom across the hall. two strong young Phillippino men are yanking on a toilet seat they seem unable to unseat. A more sensible way would be to get a large screwdriver and a wrench. But what makes me think they haven’t tried that? I’ll tell you exactly what, it’s the way they pronounce “accurate”.  Over and over, they both said “ahh-cyu-ahht.” Surely I can’t overlook a mistake of that amplitude then look myself in the mirror. Well, I could, but I wouldn’t want to. Oops, there goes the toilet seat. They pulled it out without a scratch. But you should see the way they high-five. Certainly not the way you’d teach your children to high five. And isn’t that just a little bit braggy? Being a fair-minded man, I have to ask myself what exactly is high-fiveable. I honestly haven’t created a set of rules for that yet.

The sun will soon go down and I will have spent another unproductive week in my new Santa Rosa digs. Rereading what I have written tells me I have been terribly hard — nay unfair — on myself. Dammit, tomorrow I will lighten up. Promise.

2 Responses to “Necessary adjustments.”

  1. Bob Gilbert Says:

    Let St. Francis worry about productivity. His name’s on the door. To increase productivity, you could instruct your assistants to do something. A tunnel out? I’m sure you miss your view of Alcatraz but we fans of Fred are glad you will no longer have your tumbling skills tested on those steep stairs.

  2. Scott Keck Says:

    FRED!! Thanks goodness you’re ok, and there’s more Rooster coming out. Email me your address and phone particulars so I can send you crank post cards and we can set up a lunch date at some point (May is shot, so maybe June?)

    Anyway, does me good to see you tickling the Olivetti again…

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