August 25th, 2013
A couple years ago I underwent High Dose Rate Brachytherapy, a treatment for my prostate cancer that left me both impotent and incontinent. It’s not the sort of thing I was planning to blog about, careful as I am about embarrassing revelations. Boner pills are not effective in dealing with this particular brand of erectile dysfunction, but I will say that diapers deal very well with the leakage problem. Not diapers precisely. These are marketed as “Dignity Inserts.” And I guess it’s true, I would lose every ounce of dignity if I lost even three ounces of urine into a pair of dress slacks — if I owned a pair.
High Dose Rate Brachytherapy is an intense radiation technique in which the source of radiation does not reside outside the patient’s body, but is introduced into the genitalia through the opening in the penis. It is pushed, teased, wiggled and waggled deep into the prostate with a foley (a wire probe), then its payload, pure radioactive iridium, is left in the prostate for up to two whole minutes. It is then pulled out — without delay. Delay, say a broken wire, would cause death. The foley wire is of a very, very high quality. This process is repeated eight times over a two week period. So listen up women, men in their 70s don’t really have that much more fun than you. But I guess because we don’t live as long, we have a shorter time to cram it all in.
I’m thinking this is going to be the first in a revealing look into the aging male physiognomy and psyche. All you women who are reluctant to state your age — stay tuned.