March 30th, 2007
In re U.S. Attorney firings.
Mr. President –
(1) Concerning wording to denigrate the notion of aides giving testimony under oath, we offer you a few choices:
(a) Dog and Pony Courtroom Dramas
(b) Interrogazione con fluorescence
(c) DeposaGanza 2007!
(d) Show Trials under the Klieg Lights
We recommend (d). â€œShow trialsâ€ suggests the abominable â€œPeoplesâ€™ Courtâ€ under the Third Reich. It allows us to say Nazi without saying â€œNazi.â€ And â€œKliegâ€ is obviously German, which might help underscore the whole Democrats-are-Nazis thing.
(2) Now, a short review of the reasons for disallowing testimony:
(a) Executive Privilege
(b) Spoils of War-Presidency
(c) Decidermatic Immunity
(d) Writ of No-Fucking-Way
While (d) has a certain amount of wisdom, it should be saved for use on a bumper sticker when the shit really hits the fan. For now, we suggest (a).
(3) Finally, heartfelt comments on acceptance of resignations:
(a) Willy, the White House Salad Chef, wishes to spend more time with his condiments.
(b) Harriet Miers resigned in January. She now resigns again. That, my friends, is public service.
(c) While I am sorry to see Laura and Barney go, I wish them Godspeed.
(d) And now my trusted servant, Karl Rove, is gone.
Seriously, Mr. President. (a), (b), or (c) are fine. Use any or all three. But do not, even for a flicker of an instant, consider (d). Or we are all dead meat.