Another call from Condoqueesha.
February 9th, 2007
(phone rings – Brahms G minor Rhapsody ring tone)
Condoleezza: This is Dr. Condoleezza Rice.
Condoqueesha: Girl. Somepin’ happen? You pickin’ up all formal. (mocks) This is Dr. Condoleezza Ri-yeece.
Condoleezza: Lighten up, Queesh. (long pause) I don’t know which way is up anymore.
Condoqueesha: Take a look down at your long skinny black toes.
Condoleezza: What?
Condoqueesha: The other way is up.
Condoleezza: Oh, ha ha, I get it. Funny, funny.
Condoqueesha: You ain’t laughin’.
Condoleezza: That goddamn Barbara Boxer has the unmitigated gall, saying “Condoleezza Rice, single and childless, doesn’t have a personal price to pay in this war.â€
Condoqueesha: Damn, sister, you denser than a block of pubic hair in a trash-compactor. Don’t you see – it’s time for you to come out?
Condoleezza: Don’t you breathe a word. I’ll cut your checks off so quick.
Condoqueesha: You ever stop to think maybe I’m tired of raising up your child?
Condoleezza: Shhhh! There’s people listening in.
Condoqueesha: That’s your bad. Hear me — I’m serious as a twenty-four karat kidney stone — you put it out that you’re a mother of a –
Condoleezza: Stop it.
Condoqueesha: Chevronetta’s fifteen now and she’s talking about goin’ in the Marines.
Condoleezza: No no no no no! This can not happen.
Condoqueesha: Solve all your problems. Private Chevronetta Rice – she looks just like you, ‘cept she’s hot. Then the world will know you really do have a personal stake in Operation Numbnuts. Plus, all that lesbian noise’ll stop quicker’n a Ford out of warranty.
Condoleezza: It’s a big step.
Condoqueesha: Shut that Boxer woman up, toot sweet.
Condoleezza: (sotto voce) Laura, too.
Condoqueesha: What’s that?
Condoleezza: Nothing.
Condoqueesha: Don’t you worry. Auntie Queesh will always be there for her. She knows her momma’s a busy lady.
Condoleezza: I don’t know…
Condoqueesha: You got to shit or get off the pot, little sister girl.
Condoleezza: One thing, Condoqueesha, I always have to ask. What’s in this for you?
Condoqueesha: Fitty K.
Condoleezza: Fifty thousand dollars?
Condoqueesha: You lay two hundred thou on Armstrong Williams for the “black point of view†on No Child Left Behind. Hey, what’s fitty K? It’s less than one pallet of money.
Condoleezza: Hmmm.
Condoqueesha: Make that ‘rug muncher’ shit go bye-bye.
Condoleezza: Okay. Let’s do it. You win. Check your mailbox in a few days.
Condoqueesha: Send it FedEx.
Condoleezza: Why?
Condoqueesha: I got stock.
February 10th, 2007 at 4:49 pm
While I enjoy many of your other blogs, this one seems a bit racist.
February 11th, 2007 at 12:30 am
Art, I appreciate your comment. But when I see a black woman like Condoleezza take on all the worst attributes of the white crowd she so obviously adores, a ghetto black woman like Condoqueesha makes an irresistible foil. Especially since Queesh has qualities — imagination, smarts, and a grasp of reality — that Condi clearly lacks. Okay, Queesh schemes for money. Is that a racial thing? Or is it the black english? Anyhow, I think it’s the best contrast to Condi’s equivocating white-speak. Okay, enough self-defending here. But my intent is to mock Condi and the racists she plays footsie with.
February 21st, 2007 at 11:56 am
Fred,
Is it possible to get all the Condoqueesha dialogues in one place (arranged chronologically) without other blog entries in between?
Thanks,
Wendy
August 30th, 2007 at 9:08 am
Fred,
I just read all the Condi pieces, and they are VERY clever. I don’t see anything racist about them — forget that. What I see is a very well done unmasking of duplicity and an example of how pandering for personal gain twists perception and clouds ones natural intelligence — assuming they are identical twins. (Is there any other reason for pandering? And look where it got Gonzales. Will she get hers, do you think?)
Thanks!
Janet