- Toothbrushes do not need to be changed every six months. Every six years is more like it. Yes, my bristles are bent but they are not broken. Throw it in the washer once in a while and it’ll keep longer than your underwear.
- Although he shouts the slogan for National Car Rental, Patrick Stewart does not, himself, “Go Like a Pro.” He takes a piss like every other man. Or almost every other. Some just carry a big new 10 oz. Dr Pepper bottle and empty it onto the highway.
- Write your sleep number on a 3×5 card, add 30, divide by 4, subtract 15. On the other side of the card write your Wells Fargo ATM pin number, double it, add your social security number. Fold the card. Write your address. Mail to 3435 Durban Rd, St Petersburg, FL. 33707. Wait for April surprise.
- If there is a 13th floor of the office building in which you work, DO NOT face the doors if the elevator stops at that floor.
- Change your oil every 3,000 miles. Change your oil filter every 3,000 miles. Change your keyboard every 3,000,000 keystrokes. Download Geek Squad Transmission Oil Viscosity software every summer. Edit glove box locator as needed. Change your attitude.
- Men may cry twice in their lives. When a loved one dies and when they discover their checking account has been emptied and they receive a card with the message, “April surprise.”
March 17th, 2013 at 9:55 am
wonderful, fred!
March 20th, 2013 at 8:16 pm
Agh! No April Surprise!