October 3rd, 2006
Transcript of telephone call to Condoleezza Rice from her twin sister, Condoqueesha. Oct, 2 â€“ 7:47 p.m.
Condoleezza: Condoleezza Rice..
Condoqueesha: Just saw you on the tube. They all up in your face now. Anâ€™ Iâ€™m here for you, Condi. For the cause.
Condoleezza: Oh, hi Condoqueesha. Look, Iâ€™ve got Matt Lauer out front waiting for â€“
Condoqueesha: That boy Tenent warn you Osama cominâ€™ at the tall towers with widebodies! He lay it on you as of July oh-one. Is he talkinâ€™ crazy, or you been bullshittinâ€™ me along with everybody else?
Condoleezza: I thought you were in rehab.
Condoqueesha: Non-responsive, sister. Lissen up. He got his CIA homey, J. Cofer Black corroboratinâ€™!
Condoleezza: I donâ€™t answer to you, Condoqueesha.
Condoqueesha: Condi, you gotta come down hard like a muthafucker â€˜fore this get beyond your skinny fingertips. Dig?
Condoleezza: Nor do I need your assistance.
Condoqueesha: Three thousand R.I.P. in that rubble on your watch — anâ€™ Tenent sayinâ€™ he warned you! Sheeeit. You must git crackalatinâ€™.
Condoleezza: (long pause — crying) I know.
Condoleeza: Can youâ€¦
Condoqueesha: Make it go? Fah Sho.
Condoleezza: Really and truly?
Condoqueesha: Fitty K.
Condoleezza: I could do that. But it would be wrong.
Condoqueesha: (laughs) You need somethinâ€™ on that writer man, Mistah Woodward.
Condoleezza: Well, he looks at me. A lot.
Condoqueesha: Say no more. Iâ€™ll fuck that boy till his pointy head breaks off like Pez. Get him to take back all he wrote and more.
Condoleezza: I have to go.
Condoqueesha: Sister, send that Fitty K Western Union. They givinâ€™ away a million dollars to some lucky customer. Could be us.