October 18th, 2011
Only four years ago America’s take on FoxNews was that their blonds — seven or eight women plus Steve Doocy — were the most uneducated people on American television. Now, thanks to the existence of Africa, a large mass of land shaped like a holstered gun, idiocy has been raising its raven-haired head. Mostly thanks to the Tea Party Twins, Sarah Palin and Michele Bachmann.
During debate prep, Palin is said to have told one of her inquisitors, “Africa is a very large country.” Turns out that report was a hoax, but I’m just as guilty as the next guy when it comes to Fair and Balanced reporting, so in the tradition of FoxNews I’m going to let it stand. What is true is the remark Michele Bachmann made during tonight’s GOP debate in Las Vegas: “Obama put us in Libya. He is now putting us in Africa.”
When I brought the subject up to Dana Perino, lead correspondent during the FoxNews blond period, she explained, “It’s the roots. Stupidity attaches to dark roots more readily than to light hair colors. What happens is the darker hair pulls the dumb things to the outside of their brains and right onto the scalp. If the brunette forgets to wash her hair for three or four days, thousands of dimwit notions can float out with just a simple shake of an unwashed head.”