Whereas it hath pleased the excess calorie-consuming people of America to gather and celebrate…

And whereas frontally endowed multiple chin possessors, in recognition of those citizens of this paradise for the overweight who possess large and multiple back-of-the-neck folds…

And whereas double-chin games such as Hide the Kidney Bean, Toothpick Stegasaurus, and Horizontal Vagina can be played at the base of an overlarded skull, front or back…

We do proclaim rear-facing multiple neckfolds to be legitimate double-chins, and their possessors to be entitled to the rights and privileges at all the American Double Chin Festivals, including discounts at all K-Mart freezer cases.