Sadly, the environmental movement is poised to destroy the economic system. Limits on pollutants, mountain-topping, poison dumping, and fossil-fuel guzzling, admirable as they may seem, are dividing our culture. Red state is pitted against blue state, small-business vs. unions, and all the other nastiness that is on the table because a few well-meaning (well, maybe not) ecology majors wish to make their mark.

But investors are seeing a way out through free-market solutions. Offsets. Cap and Trade is a good example. A company is allowed to buy the rights to dump and pollute the air to the extent that another company is willing to limit its own pollution. My battery plant needs the right to pour 15 tons of lead into the American River, but I have been “capped” at 7 tons. Fortunately, your Chinese toy factory is using up only 5 of its allotted 13 tons of lead dumping. I purchase the necessary 8 tons on the international offset market and I’m golden. Of course, I don’t purchase them. Investors purchase them for me.

Where else can Cap and Trade produce a profit?

The Speed Limit Reconstruction Act. Virginia, California, and Nebraska are in the vanguard on this trade. I drive a Lexus 350i. It cruises comfortably at 125 miles per hour. If I can find four SmartCar owners who are willing to limit themselves to 50 mph in a 65 mph zone, that’s 15 x 4 = the 60 mph surplus I need to avoid a reckless endangerment ticket. Trading costs are negotiable. And observing the limits are on the honor system.

The Decimation and Recompense Plan. This is simply a refinement of the situation we’ve had in practice for many years. A small African country, say Gabon, is willing to decimate (reduce by 10%) its population through the use of war materials supplied by a first world county. The U.S., for instance, gives them 200,000 liters of poison gas and the light aircraft needed to spread it. In return, the U.S. is entitled to property in Gabon sufficient to grow food for a U.S. increase in population equal to that which was decimated. What makes this different from our activities in Central America, Iraq, and Afghanistan, is the open participation of investors. The remaining Gabonese will grow whatever crops are most suited to the free market. Proceeds will be placed in cutting-edge financial instruments.

Disabled Seating Refocus Amendments. Many small communities are repurposing sections designed for the elderly and the handicapped. Oklahoma City has replaced these front-of-transit-car seats with plush rolled-and-pleated leather lounge chairs. The elderly are allowed to use these seats at the usual reduced rate until a customer, willing to pay more, comes along to displace them. A percentage of the proceeds are directed to elder/handicapped programs such as colder handrails in toilet stalls. The remainder of the money goes directly to the local chambers-of-commerce who then put it in the hands of designated investors.