Yesterday’s Supreme Court ruling asserting that money is speech is already changing the country. The Supreme Court was prepared to award its Black Robe contract to Eddie Bauer, whose sleepwear, though overpriced, is warm. Snuggies was being considered for the deal, as well (although Chief Justice Roberts didn’t think robes made in China would be an easy sell to the public). But the ruling allowed the Court to go with Walmart, a favorite with Justice Antonin Scalia because of the smooth pleats and the company’s willingness to pay bribes.

Until now, members of the Court had to pay for their own plane tickets when vacationing. Or if not, they were required to take extreme measures to falsify travel records and expenses statements. Hotels and airlines are now able to reward justices for their friendly rulings. “Corporate speech is no longer bound up in bureacracy and we will see greater government efficiency as a result,” said Justice Arthur Kennedy.

Justice Clarence Thomas, who grew up in Pin Point, Georgia — a small town with no sewer systems or paved roads — sees the ruling as an important step in the civil rights struggle. Speaking to God is Money, a youth organization he founded, he recounted a story that took place at a whorehouse he was visiting in New Haven, near the Yale Law School. “As I was descending the broken down staircase that led from the hooker’s room, a clean-cut white man was on his way up. I stepped into an alcove and listened. He asked how much for an around-the-world. I heard her say ‘ten dollars.’ She obviously must have accepted the money because he immediately placed her under arrest.”

“Today’s ruling,” he said, “will end this kind of abuse. Money is speech. Whether is for a campaign, for lobbying, for a lavish dinner, or for pussy.” The Justice paused and looked over his teenage audience, one by one, and said, “Especially for pussy.”