You are one-of-a-kind; your breakfast should be too.

I know I’m a flower in a patch of dandelions. I like it that my cereal manufacturer sees me this way, too. You don’t know me personally, but you’ve obviously done your homework. You know more about me than Kellogg’s ever did. I always figured your image of me, at best, might be “sort of unique” — even though that would be a misuse of the word.

The English have been making Weetabix their own for years — now it’s  your turn.

Actually, if you consult your studies you’ll see that I made Weetabix my own for a short while in the late 70s. Your formulation may have been different at the time. In those years I was putting milk on your cereal and, frankly, the biscuits (or “bix”) soaked up more fluid than their own volume. I tried water, but good as your product is, it isn’t that good. I came back to Weetabix recently because I’ve learned to like Greek yogurt. It resists the sponging effects of your richly toasted organic whole wheat.

Each biscuit has a mere 60 calories.

I was all set to quibble at your use of the word “mere.” Then I thought about it. 60 calories really isn’t too much for such a hefty appearing biscuit. Heft one, though, and it’s light as a feather. That’s fabulous if you’re selling cake, but you’re not. Still, it’s a fair deal. There are 60 calories in just one Kellogg’s Frosted Flake. But back to the banner headline on your box — “A cereal as unique as you are” — a Kellogg’s Frosted Flake has a better claim on uniqueness than a Weetabix biscuit. It’s in the nature of a flaked vs. a molded food product.

Now is your chance to become a healthy breakfast connoisseur with this versatile cereal.

Thank you for that sentence. Seriously. I have always prided myself on spelling, yet it made me realize I had been misspelling “connoisseur.” It’s awful, but I had been leaving the “i” out on the three occasions in my life that I’ve written that word. “I” is not the letter a unique individual wants to do without.

Mix in some fruit or spread on some jam. Heat it up or spin it into a smoothie — any way you can dream up. Make breakfast  your own again.

Wow, jam on cereal? No thanks. You’re talking Kellogg’s-crazy now. They’ll do anything to interest people in their “breakfast foods.” Hire an Olympic swimmer to do their ads, then fire him for using an all-natural substance even less hurtful than Rice Krispies. And smoothies? I’m trying to imagine the machinery. But I suppose if you can compress wheat and barley into a biscuit that a moth could fly through, you can do anything.