The following is excerpted from an address by Ken Levy, Brand Manager, Anheuser-Busch:

Gentlemen, we have determined through research, taste tests, and animal trials that Bud Light is suitable for drinking. That is to say, it has the capability to hydrate body tissues — in contradistinction to a powdered mix, which, unless water is added, is not suitable for drinking.

Our agency, DDB Chicago, suggested a number of themes under which our beer can enjoy the strategic place in the market befitting a beverage which has this all-important quality.

The first suggestion, “Bud Light: Suitable for Drinking”, scored highly on the SAT (Suitability as Aqueous Thirst-supressor), but memorability scores were low when other phrases (e.g. Our Father Who art in Heaven, Oh Say Can You See, and Yo dude, Wazzup) were added into the mix.

Another contender was “Makes Your Mouth Feel Wet.” Frankly, that was my favorite, but was voted down by my wife for its, ha ha, sexual overtones. But seriously, making your mouth feel wet is not the core message of Bud Light. Wetness fights Lightness because the suffixness is the same. The core message, and Mrs. Levy agrees with me on this one, is “Suitable for Drinking,” which is strategically dead-on, but creatively — and I defer to CD Stephen Crood on this one — lame. Or consisting of large amounts of what he calls lamosity. (laughter).

No. We sent the creatives back to their cubicles. Find a way to say Suitable for Drinking. The fewer words the better. To those who asked, can we use as many syllables as we want, the answer was yes. As they say at my alma mater, ‘git-er done.’

Here it is. The winner. DRINKABILITY.

Think of foods you really love to eat. What do they have in common? They are edible. But you would never simply say edible. Not if you want to win the marketing wars. No, you would say they have EDIBLITY.

And the car you love. Great cornering and acceleration. Would you call your Maserati “Roadable?” Think about it. It would be far better to call that quality ROADABILITY.

In fact, I’m thinking out loud here — and you creatives in attendance may want to take some notes — no matter what client you'’re working on, put it to the -BILITY test. Does it have LUNCHABILITY, SOOTHEABILITY, ILLUMINABILITY, SHUCKABILITY? See where I’m going with this?

Sure you do. DRINKABILITY. It’s genius. And only five syllables.