Iraqi parliament members, stung by criticism of their supposed leisurely August, want Americans to know the truth. Here is what members will be doing.

Jassim Ali — August 1: Donate kidney to Organs for Sudan. August 3-30: Build community center in Cleveland with Habitat for Humanity (if visa comes through).

Saadoun al-Dulemi — August 10: Allow Swiss researchers to extract adult stem cells from basal ganglia. Possible cure for late onset epilepsy. August 16: Explain cures to U.S. Supreme Court Chief Justice, John Roberts. August 29 through 25, take over the Suicide Hotline Desk for entire Anbar Province.

Hisham al-Shibi — August 6 through Sep 1. Teach pre-schoolers in the Tots on the Tigris program. “These kids will learn to swim, to raft, to ride in inner-tubes, in short to do all the things freedom loving children do in summertime. Including how to use their left hands in food preparation.”

Yassin al-Shivili — Aug 6 through 25. Will perform his one-man show, “The Petraeus Monologues”, throughout Iraq, Iran, Iraz, Irap, and Irat.

Zobaa Kubba — This master architect and model-maker will build a 1/300th scale Walter Read Hospital to study the effects of water and sand damage, with special attention placed on physical therapy studios.

Parliament spokesperson Mahmoud Othman says, “No member of Parliament will be allowed in the chambers until he proves to me that he has completed 160 hours of democracy service duirng the month of August.”