You know what I’m alluding to, because it’s a big problem and it’s getting bigger. Uh oh, my bad. That last word of that first sentence, unfortunately, rhymes with a word that’s been said in firehouses, at bus-stops, and onstage. It is certainly not a word any white person would want to utter, or have said, or even confess to knowing.

Damn, I just dug myself in deeper because I said white person. Hey, I know a black person wouldn’t say it either. Although he* might, because he could. Of course he’d make its last syllable “-ah” as opposed to “-er.” Know what I mean? Maybe not. Maybe you’re just a racist.

But you do know what I mean. You might not want to admit to it — not that a grown up european-, or asian-, or african-, or south-american-american should pretend not to know offensive words, hand-gestures, dance-steps, driving-styles, or how low on their ass their pants should hang.

But this is a serious issue that is going to affect the comedic-stylings of many lesser talents in clubs in the parts of the country that love freedom. There will still be venues that tolerate the actual words that begin with certain letters of the alphabet, as well as the capital-letter-followed-by-a-dash words that serve as their surrogates. These clubs suck the big one — in the non-sexual but still pejorative sense of the word “suck.” Or as I should say, “S-the big one.”

The challenge we face as a society grappling with racism, vulgarity, and sexually offensive language, is to invest our considerable creativity and can-do spirit into finding more powerful euphemisms.

%#*@!&@# is good, but say it around %#*@!&@#stanis and you’ll get your #&%^@* handed to you.

Smell is a powerful tool. The ability to create offensive smells at will would trump offensive language in no time. Certain smells could be assigned to certain people. Soon, those people will know who they are and feel appropriately bad. Eventually, they will take counter-measures — hopefully olfactory.

Karma is underused. It’s been around for a long time, but is still poorly understood. Further research should be undertaken. How satisfying it would be to direct karma of the worst kind to those you hate due to lack of standard-English, swimming or hockey-playing skills.

But racial taunts, and the signifiers for those racial taunts — even the meta-linguistic proxies for those signifiers — must end before we destroy ourselves and, more important, the alphabet, upper-case and lower, which has served us so well since the invention of the moveable tongue.

*no offense, women — it’s he this time, she next.